Swimming Lessons
by shopgirl152
Summary: Tired of always saving Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Perry takes it upon himself to teach the Doctor how to swim. But teaching the stubborn Doctor may be more trouble than it's worth. one-shot.


**A/N 1: **Wow. Think this is the longest one-shot (aka short story), I've ever written on here. Well, enjoy readers!

**A/N 2: **A big thank you to two of my readers, **Boolia** and **Midnight4568**. They were kind enough to point out two details in here I had overlooked before. Thanks to you, those details (or rather lack of), have been fixed.

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><p>Perry barged into Dr. Doofenshmirtz's hideout, ready to foil the Doctor's latest evil scheme. Only to be trapped by a pair of water wings which inflated on impact.<p>

"Aw Perry the Platypus, your timing is undeniable. And by that I mean, completely deniable!" He paused. "Is it just me, or is the whole catchphrase becoming annoying? I mean really, you barge in, I say something is impeccable or undeniable, only to mean the wrong thing. I mean really, who is the hack person writing this fanfiction? It's enough to make me-oof!"

He crashed to the floor as Perry landed on top of him. "Perry the Platypus, what-" Perry grabbed his arms, roughly sliding the water wings onto them. "Hey! You're supposed to get these things wet before you slide them on! Oh my chaffing arms."

Perry leapt off him, smiling smugly.

Doofenshmirtz got to his feet, staring at the bright orange wings. "Really Perry the Platypus. You trapping me in my own trap is one thing, but just using these water wings? They don't hold me. Really, Perry, you're losing your edge." Perry stared at him, pointing to what he was wearing.

The Doctor looked down. "What? It's the middle of summer. I can wear nothing but swim trunks." He crossed his arms over his chest. "Don't judge me Perry the Platypus."

Perry rolled his eyes, beckoning him to come closer. "What?" Doofenshmirtz leaned down, only to recoil as Perry punched him in the nose. "Ow! Oh my poor nose! What did you do that for?" He covered his nose, only to peer over the top his hand. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He chattered, motioning Dr. Doofenshmirtz to follow him.

"Oh sure. First you break out of my trap, put these humiliating water wings on me, tackle me, punch me in the nose, and you want me to follow you." He sat down, stubbornly crossing his arms. "No way Perry the Platypus. I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, am better than that. Besides, I have a million things to do today. I-I really can't be bothered."

Perry glared at him.

"What? I have things to do today. I have to do my laundry, I have to see if Charlene sent me a check, I have...I have...heh. This sounded so much better in my head."

Perry rolled his eyes, walking over and grabbing Dr. Doofenshmirtz by his swim trunks, pulling him across the floor.

"You know for a platypus, you're pretty strong. Hey, where are you taking me? Perry the Platypus, let go! I mean it. Let go or I'll-" the platypus chattered at him, not even bothering to look back as he reached for the door knob. "Fine. Be that way. But mark my words Perry, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz will not be forced into anything!"

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><p>"You want me to do what?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz stood at the side of the public pool. After trying to desperately escape, he had finally given up. The platypus stood before him, motioning to the pool. "Oh no Perry the Platypus, there is no way I am jumping in there. This is a public pool; it's full of kids and you know what happens when kids jump in a public pool? That's right; they pee. And I will not be swimming in a pool that has been urinated in!"<p>

Perry tapped his foot, a towel slung over one arm. He pointed to a sign behind him.

Doofenshmirtz scrunched his eyes up, reading. "Public Pool access. Open Monday thru Thursday from 8 to 10...closed on Sundays...pool cleaned on alternate Thursdays...so?"

Perry rolled his eyes, holding up his watch.

"Your watch? What does...oh." The watch indicated the time and the date. "Oh. It looks like it's just been cleaned." He put his hands on his hips. "That does not excuse the peeing in the pool. Besides Perry the Platypus, the joke's on you. I can't swim. And no little platypus is going to make me get in that-ah!" Dr. Doofenshmirtz fell into the pool head first, flailing wildly. "Help! Help! I'm drowning! I can't swim! I..." his protests died down as his legs began treading water. "Oh. Er...I'm wearing water wings. Heh." He glared at the platypus standing on the side of the pool. "You! You pushed me!"

Perry smirked, touching the brim of his fedora in acknowledgement. He calmly walked over to a nearby chaise lounge, folding his towel as he went, placing his watch on top of it.

Before Dr. Doofenshmirtz had a chance to say anything, Perry turned, ran toward the edge of the pool and paused for a brief moment before executing a perfect swan dive.

"Show off." Doofenshmirtz scoffed as his nemesis broke the surface of the water. He sighed in defeat. "Okay Perry the Platypus; since you dragged me all the way here and pushed me into the water, which was rude by the way, would you mind telling me why we're actually here? I have an Inator schedule to keep you know."

Perry grabbed his elbow, slowly turning him toward another sign, this one hanging on the chain link near the entrance of the pool. "Swimming lessons?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked around. "But there's no one here. Not even a lifeguard. Not even a..." he trailed off as the platypus pointed to himself. "You're going to teach me how to swim." He put his chin in his hand. "Great Perry the Platypus, just great."

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><p>"No no no no no!" Doofenshmirtz flailed his arms in protest, wailing at the platypus before him. "I refuse to dunk my head underneath the water just to pick up some insignificant little toy on the step." He pointed to the toy. "Besides, why would I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, do something so silly as to pick up a toy with my face when I can easily grab it from here?" He plunged a hand into the water, picking up the plastic diver and holding it out in triumph. "There? You see? That was easy." He paused, eyes rolling upwards. "Perry the Platypus, why are you climbing on top of my head? We're not fighting. Well, at least not <em>physically<em>, but...wait! What are you-"

Before Dr. Doofenshmirtz could finish his sentence, Perry had pushed his head underneath the water, keeping him there for several seconds before grabbing a fistful of hair and pulling Doofenshmirtz back up.

He came up spluttering, the plastic diver stuck in his mouth. "Patooie!" The toy went flying, ricocheting off an umbrella before landing in a kid's sand pail.

"Mommy, Mommy, a man shot a diver into my sand pail!"

Doofenshmirtz grinned, throwing his hands in the air. "Sccoorre! I give myself two points." He looked to the side, recoiling at Perry's harsh look. "What? I made a goal."

Perry rolled his eyes, pointing to the step as he grabbed another toy diver from the side of the pool and tossed it in.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz sighed. "You're going to make me do it again, aren't you?" The platypus nodded. "Fine. I'll do it. Geez, stop bugging me."

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><p>"Perry the Platypus, are we done yet? My arms are getting tired and the sun is setting. Can't we go home and call it day? I'll just curse you now and climb out of the pool." Dr. Doofenshmirtz went to climb out of the pool, only to have Perry grab his arm and pull him back in.<p>

He groaned. "Aww come on Perry the Platypus! This is harder than physically fighting you. So far today, I have been subjected to being pushed in the pool, held under the water against my will just so I can pick up an insignificant diver, which seems to have disappeared by the way, and on top of that, we've been treading water for hours!"

Perry held up three fingers.

"Okay, so we've been treading water for three minutes, but it feels like hours!" The platypus glared at him. "And what's more, you had me kicking my legs and doing laps earlier! I mean, who does that?" Perry folded his arms, waiting patiently.

"And what's more, I know how to swim now. Look." Doofenshmirtz stopped treading, allowing his feet to slowly surface before kicking wildly, sending up sprays of water as he swam circles around his nemesis. "See, look! I'm swimming!"

The platypus hid a smile behind a paw.

Doofenshmirtz finished kicking, coming over to calmly tread water next to his nemesis. "So you see Perry the Platypus, thanks to you, I can swim. So can we go now?" Perry shook his head. "No? You mean we can't go yet? Why not?" The Doctor watched as the platypus swam closer to him, latching onto a water wing and pulling. "Perry the Platypus, what are you doing? I need those to swim. What are you-" the water wing came off, landing a few feet away. "Hey! I need those!"

Perry ignored him, grabbing onto his arm and dragging him to the side of the pool. The platypus took his hand and placed it outside the pool before swimming around to the other side, taking the other water wing off.

"Well, I guess this is okay. But the steps are over there. How am I going to get out?"

Perry looked at him before swimming to the other side of the pool, motioning to the Doctor before motioning to himself.

"You want me to swim to you?" The platypus nodded. "Well, okay." Doofenshmirtz cautiously took his hand off the side of the pool, treading water. "Hey, look at me Perry the Platypus! I'm swimming!" Perry motioned his nemesis toward him with a paw. He looked around before shaking his head, latching onto the side of the pool again. "No Perry the Platypus, I can't. You took my water wings from me. How am I supposed to swim to you? Treading water is one thing, but actually swimming without water wings is-ow!"

His head jerked back, a hand clutching at his nose as Perry emerged in front of him. He glared at the platypus. "Alright, that's it! You have been making my life miserable all day and you know what Perry the Platypus? You're going to get it!" Without a second thought, Doofenshmirtz let go of the side of the pool, legs kicking frantically as he tore through the water after his nemesis. He dived down, only to come up moments later. "Come here!"

Perry dove, legs and tail pumping as he led Doofenshmirtz on a chase underneath the water. When he was satisfied, he slowed down, allowing himself to be caught.

Evil scientist and platypus emerged from the water, Doofenshmirtz's hands locking Perry in a vice grip. He shook the platypus. "I can't believe you Perry the Platyus! Look at what you've done! Look at-" the shaking slowed down, finally stopping as Dr. Doofenshmirtz looked around him. "Hey, wait a minute. I just realized something. I chased after you without my water wings!" He dropped the platypus into the water with a loud splash. "I can swim! I can swim! I can swim without my water wings!"

He plunged a hand into the water, hugging the platypus to his chest. "Oh thank you Perry the Platypus! Thank you thank you thank you!"

Perry struggled in his grip, pointing to himself and gasping for breath.

"Oh. Heh. Sorry Perry the Platypus." Doofenshmirtz gently sat him down on the edge of the pool. "I just got so excited. I-I really couldn't help myself."

The platypus gave a weak smile, standing up and patting his nemesis on the back.

"Can I curse you now Perry the Platypus? I'd love to stay and chat, but...I have Vanessa coming over for dinner tonight and, well...I have to tell her that I can swim!"

Perry nodded, making his way over to the chaise lounge, retrieving his towel and watch. As he walked out the gate, he heard a very grateful Doctor behind him.

"Thank you Perry the Platypus!"

* * *

><p>Perry walked down the street, leaving water trails behind him as he attempted to wring out his fur and hat. If he didn't dry off quickly, the boys would wonder why he was sopping wet.<p>

He stopped outside the house, replacing his watch and toweling off before dropping to all fours and taking off the still sopping fedora.

A smile crept across his face. There was one good thing about being on all fours. Quickly, he shook the rest of the water from his fur before jumping through the pet door.

"Oh, there you are Perry." Phineas smiled through a mouthful of dinner, swallowing. "Where've you been all day?"

Perry chattered, climbing into his bed.

The boy brought his empty bowl to the sink before dropping to the floor, running a hand down the platypus's back. "Huh. That's odd. Hey Ferb, Perry's all wet."

Ferb sat down next to his brother. "Perhaps he was at the pool."

"Nah. Probably just ran through the sprinklers again." He turned to his pet. "Didn't you boy?"

Perry chattered in response, breathing a sigh of relief as they left the room.

If they only knew…

* * *

><p>Dr. Doofenshmirtz set two plates on the table, beaming. "So…what do you think? Pretty impressive right?"<p>

"Wow. Dad, this is amazing." Vanessa's eyes widened in surprise. "Did you make all this?"

"Well, no. I had a little help."

"From Perry?"

"Nooo…from the delivery guy! He was two minutes late, so the order was free!"

Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Greeaat…"

"Oh, but Perry the Platypus helped me earlier today."

"He did? How?"

"He taught me how to swim!"

She raised an eyebrow. "Sure Dad."

"No really Vanessa. Perry the Platypus taught me how to swim! It all started when he trapped me in my own water wings…"

Vanessa sighed, poking her dinner with a fork. It was going to be a long night.


End file.
